“Mr Hankey, The Christmas Poo”

As sung by Mr. Herbert (Ethan F.) Garrison


The South Park Fourth Grade Class

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We’ve all heard of Rudolph and his shiny nose

And we all know Frosty who’s made out of snow

But all of those stories seem kind of, Gay

‘Cos we all know who brightens up our holiday


Mr Hankey, The Christmas Poo

Small and Brown, he comes from you

Sit on the toilet, here he comes

Squeeze him ‘tween your festive buns!

A present from down below

Spreading joy with a ‘howdy ho’!

He’s seen the love inside of you

‘Cos he’s a piece of poo!



Sometimes he’s nutty, sometimes he’s corny

He can be brown, or greenish-brown

But if you eat fiber on Christmas Eve

He might come to your town.

Mr. Hankey the Christmas Poo

He loves me, I love you.

Therefore vicariously, he loves you

‘I can make a Mr Hankey too’!





Cartman: “Well Kyle, where is he?”

Kyle: “Uh, he’s coming...”

Stan: “Come on dude, Push!”

Kyle: “I’m trying”

Cartman: “Wait Wait! I can see his head”

Kyle: “Here he comes...”

Mr Hankey: “HOWDY HO!”




I’m Mr. Hankey, the Christmas Poo

Seasons greetings to all of you.

Lets sing songs, and dance, and play.

Now, before I melt away

Here’s a game I like to play

Stick me in your mouth and try to say

‘Howdy ho ho, yum yum yum

Christmas time has come!’


Sometimes he’s runny, sometimes he’s firm

Sometimes he practically water

Sometimes he hangs off the end of your ass

And won’t fall in the toilet,

‘Cos he’s just clinging to your sphincter

And he wont drop off, and so you shake your ass around.

And try to get it to drop in the toilet

And finally it does.





Mr Hankey the Christmas Poo

Christmas leaves, he must leave too.

Flush him down, but he’s never gone,

His smell and his spirit lingers on.

Howdy ho!