What Would Jesus Have You do

WHAT WOULD JESUS HAVE YOU DO?

(Dedicated only to the “Real” Followers of Jesus)

John Stone

I wish to dedicate this article only to those special men; those who are “real” followers of Jesus. This includes not only individuals, but also groups such as the “Promise Keepers” who live by their “Seven Promises” (Promises 1, 2 and 3 are pertinent here ¹). So, let’s see if you “real” men of Jesus have the courage and “faith” to keep his request and your promise to follow him.

In Matthew 19:12, ² Jesus is recorded as saying:

”..there are eunuchs made so by men; there are eunuchs who have made themselves that way for the sake of Heaven. Let anyone accept this who can” (King James Version)

Is this not clear enough? What part of “eunuch” (to castrate, to neuter a man) and “accept this” do you not understand? In case you are feeling a little uneasy, let us look at what the New American Standard Bible (NASB ) records as Jesus' words on this subject ― becoming a eunuch.

"For there are eunuchs who were born that way from their mother's womb; and there are eunuchs who were made eunuchs by men; and there are also eunuchs who made themselves eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. He who is able to accept this, let him accept it."

OK, now all you “real” Christian guys; gather around, pay close attention. Let's now play "Simon Says."

Simon says "get out a knife and make yourselves eunuchs!"

Well? What are you waiting for? Cut, cut! Snip, snip, snip...

For those who are now ready to follow Jesus as he said, we offer the services of a Certified Mohel, Rabbi Kutchercock, to perform the necessary surgery. Rabbi Kutchercock will also provide you with a medical release form to sign prior to the procedure.

Included in Rabbi Kutchercock's castration package deal:

Your nutz/balls/gonads/testicles will be lovingly sprayed with a plastic preservative and returned to you [prepaid] with a hook so you may proudly display them on a wall in your office or home. Your nutz/balls/gonads/testicles will say to all who see them that you are a "true follower of Jesus."

There now, isn't that better! Isn’t sacrificing for Jesus fun? Don’t you feel special? Now, sing along happily and proudly:

Jesus loves me this I know, ³
For the [Christian] Bible tells me so.

Chorus

Yes, Jesus loves me, Yes, Jesus loves me.
Yes, Jesus loves me, the [Christian] Bible tells me so.

"Ain't it a blast" ― doing what Jesus asks of you ― following his commands?

I'll bet you feel a whole lot different now; and even a little lighter too!

By the way, Promise Keepers and Catholic priests could get together and hold “Make Me a Eunuch” parties. Everyone could help his brother in Jesus become a eunuch. They could fully implement the old saying “love the one you’re with” by simply “sniping” the one you’re with. Organize the group as a big “Circle Snip!” What greater love can one have for his fellow man; by helping him do as Jesus asks?

Oh, I'm just wondering; what are you going to do with those things [nutz] you cut off if you don't get them preserved and hooked by Rabbi Kutchercockoff? Some countries fry castrated bull testicles with eggs. What are you going to have for breakfast tomorrow?

Your clergy and missionaries are well aware of Phineas Taylor Barnum’s insight; “There's a sucker born every minute (and two to take him). They see you as suckers, manipulate you and take your money (tithes). People, stop being sheeple ― use your head for something besides a “hat rack!” THINK! Then leave the dead man-god Jesus behind. There is NO Invisible Man in the Sky. God ― Christian, Jew or Muslim ― is imaginary!

Join us in the Christianity-revealed (CR) internet classroom ― The Institute for Advanced Religious Studies. This IS NOT a debate group. Christianity-revealed (is designed to educate in areas of Abrahamic Derivative Religions (ADR) where people may not be aware, or have access to available resources from which to learn. CR destroys the core of the "dead man-god" religion which victimizes people by guilt and fear. Christianity, its sheeple and Hebrew source are exposed for all to see the fiction they really are. FAKE-FICTION-MYTHOLOGY! Just damn lies, by damn liars! One of CR's most important goals is to engage people to help secure the future of science, reason and freedom of inquiry.

Do you want to learn the truth of Christianity, Judaism or Islam? Come and take a seat ― SUBSCRIBE ―in this internet classroom ― The Institute for Advanced Religious Studies!

Footnotes:

1. Rule 1: A Promise Keeper is committed to honoring Jesus Christ through worship, prayer and obedience to God's Word in the power of the Holy Spirit.

Rule 2: A Promise Keeper is committed to pursuing vital relationships with a few other men…

Rule 3: A Promise Keeper is committed to practicing … sexual purity

2. Strong's Concordance references: ”...there are eunuchs (2135) made so by men; there are eunuchs (2134) who have made themselves that way for the sake of Heaven. Let anyone accept this who can”

eunuchs 2135 = an emasculated man, a eunuch
eunuchs 2134 = to castrate, to neuter a man

3. Words by Anna B. Warner; 1860; Music by William B. Bradbury, 1862.

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