MISPLACED
DEITY SOUGHT BY CHRISTIANS!
Edited by John Stone (Thanks Yitz)
So, I’m standing at a bus stop and they pull up ― a car load
of bible thumping nut cases that are just frantic! A middle aged professionally
dressed woman rushes forward and takes my arm; with a trembling voice she asks “Have
you found Jesus?” Her eyes plead with an urgency that is out of proportion to a
bus stop
Normally I just politely decline the sermon along with
the free religious sales tracts that such folk pawn off on
unsuspecting victims. However, unfortunately for this bible-thumper, she
is the forth missionary to accost me this week. I am now wondering what is
wrong with these people. I mean, if it’s not Christians, it is Mormons or
Jehovah’s Witnesses. Can a man no longer find peace on public
streets?
So, as calmly as possible, without sarcasm I asked, “Have you people lost him
again?”
The woman looked confused. This is not the response she expected ―
she tried to regroup. She totally ignored any thought that I might not want to
convert to her religion. She just took a deep breath and launched into her
sales pitch for the dead man-god jezuz and her church. I decided not to
let her really get started, so I spoke up and interrupted her spiel.
“What is wrong with you Christians? Every time I turn around you’ve
lost jezuz again! Really now, how do you expect anyone to
follow a god that you keep losing?!”
The missionary looked stunned. Things were not going as she had planned. I
could tell that panic had set in; she began to look back to the car for help. I
could tell she was hoping one of her companions would come to her rescue.
Sensing her desperation I continued; “Maybe the problem is with you people ― Jews don’t lose
Hashem. Come to think of it, Muslims never seem to loose Allah, nor do Pagans
lose their assortment of gods.” It is always Christians losing jezuz!
I move to look at her companion who is now getting out of the car rather
quickly. She is all smiles. But I don’t cut either of them a break; “I
realize you people used to kill people like me in the crusades and
inquisitions. What was that about ― Jezuz? According to your religion, I
may be a pagan-heathen, but I never ever woke up panicked that I couldn’t find
my god. Even witches know where their gods are ― right where they should
be ― in the fire of a candle; in the air that they breathe; in the
earth we stand on; or in the water of a spring or rainfall. Again, I have never
lost my God; Hashem, the one and only!
By now all four of the missionaries are all out of the car ― befuddled,
aghast, and at a loss for words. I still don’t cut them any slack. I
humorously offer them some defense for their losing jezuz. “Jezuz might
have left due to religious differences. If I remember correctly he was a
Jew. So if you are really want to find him” ― I smile gently to soften
the blow ― “check the synagogue ’Am HaTorah down the street. He is
probably in there davening.”
Silently
and slowly they climb back into their car and drive away. I stand at the bus
stop waiting for the next 36 bus ― no pamphlets, no xian bible and
no dogma. I didn’t find jezuz, but then I didn’t lose him either.
Oh, and if you’ve found jezuz, please get his face on the evening news ASAP.
Maybe then all the Christian missionaries will stop looking for him ― and
will finally leave me alone!
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