IT'S A LONG WAY TO TIPPERARY

It's A Long Way To Tipperary

Time Flies Like the Wind (Fruit Flies Like Bananas)

John Stone

To Jews, the naming of a Jewish child is a profound spiritual moment. Jewish sages say that naming a baby is a statement of his character, his specialness, and his path in life. A Jewish child ― Jesus was a Jew according to the story ― does not actually "receive" his name until the Bris Milah on the eight day of the child's life.^1, ²

According to Luke, Jesus was circumcised in the temple on the eighth day, “and they named him Jesus,³ which was so named of the angel before he was conceived in the womb” (Luke 2:21 KJV)

Alarms should be going off in all inquisitive minds.

1. How did Jesus get to the temple on the eighth day of his birth?

According to Matthew, after the three "wise men" left Bethlehem, Jesus family, in fear of Jesus' life, took him and fled to Egypt. No mention of where in Egypt Jesus' family stayed, but ― as the crow flies ― it is at least 66 miles to the closet point in Egypt. They would have had to travel over mountains and in the deserts on foot, all the while carrying a new mother with her newborn infant. At the very absolute minimum, upon arriving at the closest point in Egypt, baby Jesus was then three days old. This equates to 22 miles per day on foot. Upon arriving in Egypt, the baby-god's family lived there until Herod died. How long it took Herod to kick the bucket is not mentioned in the Christian new testament, but for the sake of argument, let's say it was rather quickly ― another day or two.

According to Matthew, when Joseph:

"...heard that Archelaus did reign in Judaea in the room of his father Herod, he was afraid to go thither: notwithstanding, being warned of God in a dream, he turned aside into the parts of Galilee" (Matthew 2:22)

So, now we have to factor in two days for a healthy messenger to travel from Bethlehem to Egypt to tell this news to Joseph.

Joseph packed up again and headed out for Galilee, which is at least 116 miles from the closest point in Egypt. Again, traveling at 22 miles per day, it takes him another five days on the road.

So, let us do a quick recap ― how old was Jesus when he arrived at the temple for his naming and Bris (Luke 2:21).

3 days ― Leaving Bethlehem immediately after birth ―that same day ― traveling to Egypt.

Assuming that Herod died while Joseph et al was in route to Egypt:

2 days ― Catching their breath in Egypt and being informed by messenger of Herod's death.

5 days ― Hoofing it to Galilee

Counting the days, Jesus was now at least 10 days old, very likely much older. Now Jesus' family had to go to the temple in Jerusalem for the Bris ― another 65+ miles. The poor donkey had to be dead tired by now. But wait, I recall that the Holy Ghost inspired new testament in Luke 2:21 said Jesus was in the temple on the eighth day? I quote exactly:

"And when eight days were accomplished for the circumcising of the child, his name was called JESUS... "

You can clearly see that Jesus missed his eighth day Bris Milah by a long shot. He had to be at the very least 13 days old by the time they made it to the temple. So the son of the Christian god or "Invisible Man in the Sky" ― the creator of the universe, time, gravity and all ― missed his own timetable for his own naming and circumcision?

2. Why was he named Jesus?

“...and they named him Jesus, which was so named of the angel before he was conceived.” (Luke 2:21)

Jesus??? Why would an angel want to name the son of god a Greek name ― Jesus?³ Unless the angel was from Greek mythology, the angel should have named the baby-god a Hebrew name. This is just another Greek and early church addition to another invented Abrahamic derivative religion ― the New Testament tales.

Then Luke tells another story; after the 40 days of Mary’s purification, Jesus was again brought to Jerusalem to be presented to the Lord as required by the Hebrew bible (Luke 2:22).

There are two different events going on here. The Hebrew bible (Numbers 18:15-16) requires the firstborn son to be redeemed ― the money is given to a Kohen (Hebrew priest).

Funny, but the unknown author of Luke omits the redemption part and skips right over to Mary’s offerings as Leviticus 12:6 says:

“a woman who gave birth must bring an offering after she goes to the Mikveh” (the Purification Ritual Bath).

Luke portrays Mary as being poor because all she could afford were a pair of doves or two young pigeons; because the Hebrew bible required that she bring a one-year-old sheep for an elevation-offering, and a young dove or a turtledove for a sin-offering. But if she could not afford a sheep, then she shall take two turtledoves or two young doves, one for an elevation-offering and the other for the sin-offering. Hmmm, Mary, mother of god, had to make a "Sin offering?"

But wait, Mary could not have been poor. The unknown author of Matthew ― under the inspiration of the Holy Ghost ― told that the three "wise men" brought gifts for the baby-god Jesus ― gold, frankincense and myrrh!

"...they presented unto him gifts; gold, and frankincense and myrrh." (Matthew 2:11)

The Magi did not lightly travel their long journey just to give the new baby ― the son of god/god incarnate ― a few trinkets. No! No! Instead their gifts probably had a nice-amount of gold for the new born “king of the Jews.”

Perhaps, after the 40 days or so, Joseph and Mary had squandered all that gold and were then poor just as Luke portrayed them. Maybe there was a gigantic inflation rate in those days too. Or maybe Joseph bought a new radial arm saw for his carpentry shop.

Finally, just where did Matthew and Luke get all their facts for these stories? No one knows who authored either gospel. One thing is certain, these unknown authors were not eye-witnesses to anything.

Christianity, as all Abrahamic derived religions, is summed up in the words of George Constanza, that great American sage, who said: "Remember Jerry, it's not a lie if you really believe it's true."

"The inspiration of the bible depends on the ignorance of the person who reads it." ~Robert Ingersoll (1833-1899)

DISCLAIMER:

Citation of Hebrew scripture and sources in articles or analyses is not in any way an acceptance, approval or validation of the Jewish religion, its works or scriptures. The Hebrew bible, like the Christian New Testament and Muslim Qur’an, is fictitious. From a 6-day creation of the universe; a cunning, walking, talking snake; big fish tales; world flood and an "Invisible Man in the Sky" ― it is all fiction, a bold sham perpetrated on mankind.

Footnotes:

1. Bris means covenant. Milah means to cut. Ritual circumcision is the covenant the Hebrew god established with the Jewish people through the commandment of circumcision. Why on the 8th day? According to Jewish tradition; seven days represent the physical world of creation. Thus, when a child has lived for eight days, he has transcended the physical to the metaphysical. The covenant joining body and soul, physical and spiritual, can now take place. A bris has no meaning when performed before the eighth day.

2. Naming a child at the Bris is based on Hebrew bible history; that god changed Abraham's name in conjunction with his Bris — at age 99 (Genesis 17:15). Judaism also maintains that a boy only receives the full measure of his soul at the Bris, and a person cannot truly be "named" until attaining that completion (see Zohar, Lech Lecha 93a, Ta'amei Minhagim 929).

3. "Behold, a virgin shall conceive, and bear a son, and shall call his name Immanuel." (Isaiah 7:14)

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