I JUST FIGURED OUT THE GOSPELS!
Yeshurun
Kayemet
It just
hit me!
I have
never been able to figure out why the four gospels cannot agree on so much as
what jesus had for
breakfast, or what kind of tie he wore, let alone what his last words were.
I just figured
it out. The Christian bible is a "Choose Your Own Adventure"
book!
You
know how these books work. You read a page or two, and then you have to make a
decision about what should happen next. If you choose to enter the cave, for
example, you must turn to page 76. If you choose to walk away and do
something else, you turn to page 54. And so on. The choices you make decide how
the story will end.
In the
case of the gospels, the ultimate ending of the story is always the same, but
the decisions YOU, the reader, make determine:
·
Whether jesus will be made to carry his cross the entire time or
whether some guy named Simon will carry the cross for a while;
·
Where
and when someone will anoint jesus, and whether it
will be on his head or his feet, and with what spices;
·
Whether
Judas will take the silver pieces from the priests and buy a field with them,
or whether he will return the silver pieces and then hang
himself;
·
Whether the Last Supper will be a Passover Seder or
the night BEFORE Passover;
·
How many days jesus will
lie in the tomb;
·
To whom he will appear afterwards;
or
·
Who will prevail? Paul or Peter?
And so much more!
Now it all makes sense! Christianity is a
do-it-yourself religion. Simply believe what you wish to believe (compliments
of the holy ghost), as long as it is stated explicitly
in the inerrant bible! And no
matter what you wish to believe, it *IS* in the christian bible!