How many
Religiholics does it take to change a light bulb?
Amish:.............................. What’s a light bulb?
Baptist:........................... At least 15. One to change the light bulb, and three committees to approve the change and decide who brings the potato salad and fried chicken next Sunday.
Charismatic:................ Only 1. Their hands are already in the air.
Episcopalian:................ 3. One to call the electrician, one to mix the drinks, and one to talk about how much better the old one was.
Judaism:......................... ? Not now. We will wait until K-Mart put light bulbs on sale. Then we have to say berachot over it.
Lutheran:....................... None. Lutherans don't believe in change.
Methodist:.................... Undetermined. Whether your light is bright, dull, or completely out, you are loved. You can be a light bulb, turnip bulb, or tulip bulb. Bring a bulb of your choice to the Sunday lighting service and a covered dish to pass around.
Mormon:.......................... 5. One man to change the bulb, and four wives to tell him how to do it properly.
Nazarene:..................... 6. One woman to replace the bulb while five men review church lighting policy.
Pentecostal:................ 10. One to change the bulb, and nine to pray for protection against the spirit of darkness.
Presbyterian:.............. None. Lights will go on and off at predestined times.
Roman Catholic:........ None. Candles only. Put a little something in the box.
Scientologist:............. Tom Cruise. We may get lucky and he’ll fall off the ladder, or will be kidnapped by Xenu.
Unitarian:...................... ? We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or against the need for a light bulb. However, if in your own journey you have found that light bulbs work for you, you are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your light bulb for the next Sunday service, in which we will explore a number of light bulb traditions, including incandescent, fluorescent, 3-way, long-life and tinted – all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence.